On this day, May 21st, at approximately, 12pm, numerous risks were taken by library folk, who are not generally risk takers. Innocent choices spiraled into outright lawlessness, ending in a crime unlike anyone in library world has seen for at least a day or so. Allow me to illustrate this chain of events.
We knew we were in shady territory when David Weiner arrived, all sleeveless and bragging about the AM hour in which he was able to get up and do his laundry, being that he is retired and all. Here is a man who clearly makes his own rules. The empty laundromat at this time of day proves that assertion. Being that he had come all this way, we felt obligated to go face the heat out-of-doors. So ill-prepared were we for this actual walk that we had not thought of a destination. In fact, one was not planned until we were mere feet away from arrival. Celeste made the bold decision of where to walk today, and that was not the end to her risk taking. No, chopsticks were soon to be used, and are now actually her weapon of choice (at least for the first strike). We were happy to be back at Ten 89 Noodle House, especially since they had AC. Sweet, sweet AC.
Has anyone seen this man? He is wanted by WOR for Pen-Gate scandal questioning. Read on.
John instructs Celeste on proper chopstick usage before discretely backing away to take cover
Chopstick success! Celeste earns a well deserved fork for her effort
As we were served, David took the opportunity to slip away, virtually unnoticed (obviously, since we were now entranced by our delicious looking meals). Where he was for the next half hour or so no one can say. But we were met with chaos when we returned to the library. And all fingers pointed to David as the culprit!
First stop: the Music Library, where an uproar had been caused over an alleged pen incident. Pen-Gate, as it shall now be known, drew instant attention from the Campus Police, and almost certainly the FBI as well, as they have been monitoring the goings on of the Music Library staff for years. Apparently, or so I am imagining, a pen was coveted by some person unknown to us and soon after taken. Threats were made. Lies were told. Fingers were snapped, which is apparently the way the musically inclined display their aggression.
West Campus Side Story, where a storm is brewing in the Music Library
All this craziness so absorbed the attention of the Campus Police that they disregarded entirely the crime that was committed in Kristen’s office. According to sources, a takeout container had been insecurely fastened, leaving the helpless juices no choice but to leak all over. It was a horrific scene to behold, and such an injustice to food lovers everywhere. Food container sabotage, surely! Was this pen confusion just an excuse not to respond, as Kristen believes? So the Central Reading Room is in a less classier part of the building. And yes, the heat there is rather stifling. But there are some of us who believe that there were deeper biases to blame. Perhaps because the egg in that container was brown and not white? This is, after all, the reason why it was not eaten by Ken. Are we not above such primitive egg color prejudices? So the container remains where it was left, on the floor, waiting in vain for the authorities to come investigate it to prove once and for all that this container unlocking was just another in a long line of crimes committed by David, who, as we have noted, has no alibis from the time of 12:30-1pm. Walk-O-Rama will have to look into this further.
Today’s brown egg hate crime will surely remain one of the great unsolved mysteries
But until then, we hope you will think long and hard about all the reasons you should join Walk-O-Rama next week. There are many indeed. Hope to see you there!
Walk-O-Rama 