Walk-O-Rama: Three Cheers for the Patriot Act! No, Not that One!

Today we gathered to embark on an act of utmost patriotism, as we set off for the much anticipated George Washington Trail (this may not be its actual name)! The thrill of weeks worth of build up reached its peak on this day at high noon, and we all nervously wondered if the reality of this famed destination might fall short of our wondrous expectations, like when you’re expecting food from the MoGo Chef truck and have to settle for a meal served up at the SAC instead. Oh, and then the chicken you purchase is not even spicy on top of it all.  Just a random scenario that I’m sure many can relate to. Fortunately, we were not disappointed with this historic trail that was traversed by the first president of the United States (for real this time).

Yay! The road on which George Washington and his “entourage” traveled!

Also the road upon which Richie and his own entourage traveled

Kristen couldn’t help but be a bit skeptical when approaching the trail, as it seemed a little too similar to the inferior Taylor Trail that we had visited last time (definitely not its real name).  Bottles and other debris littered the entrance and less adventurous types might have been too intimidated by the disheveled sight of it to proceed – but we were on a mission to seek out George Washington, or at least something George Washingtonish.

Celeste was the first to find something of genuine significance on this trail.  It is sure to go down in history books, if they still make those.  Though many believe Valley Forge was where Washington and his men faced the most devastating hardships, we discovered that the real reason they never returned to Old Colonial Road was because of the monstrous giant hogweed plants that spread in abundance there and threatened to annihilate the entire regiment.  A song has even been written about it.  Here are a few of the lyrics

Waste no time!
They are approaching.
Hurry now, we must protect ourselves and find some shelter
Strike by night!
They are defenceless.
They all need the sun to photosensitize their venom.
Surely these words, penned by George Washington himself, were a living testament to the horrifying plants that plagued their Long Island journey.  Thank you, Celeste, for this keen observation.

Celeste earned instant fame amongst George Washington scholars by discovering the plant that almost devoured his regiment whole

As soon as these killer plants were spotted we realized that we should tread lightly on this path. Dangers abounded around each bend in the road, but none were spelled out quite as clearly as this sign

Old Colonial Road was apparently the 18th century version of the Bridge to Nowhere

Ok, so maybe this sign was a little more telling

The road beyond this point was a little less worn, indicating that this final sign was enough to ward off even George Washington’s brave men.  He evidently doubled back and took a different road, most likely 25A, which is way better than 347.  Fewer traffic lights.

Celeste was not alone in discovering a grand historical marker, however.  Richie spied the President’s firewood stash, which was surely used to warm the travelers as they settled for the night.  The flag waving majestically above is somehow proof of that.

We all attempted to sing the Star Spangled Banner at this point but could not quite remember the words. A lot of mumbling was involved but the spirit was there

Kristen also eyed a mysterious number 11 marking an aged tree.  She is pretty sure it is really old.

It is said that 11 was spy code for run from the hogweed plants

We managed to escape with our lives and all journeyed back safe and sound.

It is worth mentioning that a video was taken that would surely enrage one particular staff member who flat out denied our request for her company (you know who you are).  However, due to the fact that we still have not found the right lawyer for our team, we are holding off on posting it.  If anything should happen to any of our members, it will automatically be uploaded to youtube and most likely go viral.

Hope you can join us next time when we do something else amazing, which will probably involve either another one of Richie’s secret trails:

Farewell piece of awesome history!

or successfully escaping the confines of campus, most likely to eat somewhere. Suggestions are welcome.

If you’ve ever felt like this as you flee from campus at the end of your shift, come join us

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Walk-O-Rama: The Eating Odyssey

Tell me, O muse, of that ingenious hero who traveled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of Stony Brook. Many cities did he visit, and many were the nations with whose manners and customs he was acquainted; moreover he suffered much by sea while trying to save his own life and bring his men safely home; but do what he might he could not save his men, for they perished through their own sheer folly of eating whilst they should have been walking.

The first paragraph may or may not have been partially plagiarized by Homer’s Odyssey

The Eat-O… I mean Walk-O-Rama group set off with full intentions to ‘walk’, but with no destination decided and a strange gravitational pull in the general direction of all the food establishments located off campus it quickly became clear that we would end up trying out yet another Stony Brook restaurant.

Image from a completely different Homer’s Odyssey. One that more than likely also involves food.

We quickly discovered ‘Jakes Star’ a nice restaurant which serves sandwiches, cakes, and drinks. Not all of us stuck with the more lunch appropriate sandwich selection.

The remains of a nutritious ‘lunch cake’

Honestly, who orders a plate of butter for lunch? Honestly, who does that?

Following his on campus cash collecting duties, Ken took charge to make sure that we didn’t stiff the waitress on the bill. We sauntered out of the establishment slightly defeated in our menu choices and in the realization that no one has turned on the AC outside.

“These riches are possess’d, but not enjoy’d!” Homer’s Odyssey Book 4

During our return journey we came across an alarming ancient stone carving warning us of our impending doom by remaining on campus.

On sight of this sign a pale fear seized every one; they were so frightened that their arms dropped from their hands and fell upon the ground at the sight of the sign, and they fled back to the library for their lives. But Ulysses gave a great cry, and gathering himself together swooped down like a soaring eagle. Then the son of Saturn sent a thunderbolt of fire that fell just in front of Minerva, so she said to Ulysses, “Ulysses, noble son of Laertes, stop this warful strife, or Jove will be angry with you.”

Thus spoke Minerva, and Ulysses obeyed her gladly. Then Minerva assumed the form and voice of Mentor, and presently made a covenant of peace between the two contending parties.

Yeah, you caught me; I plagiarized the ending to the Odyssey…In reality we walked back in the 90 degree heat and spent the next four hours fighting off a food coma.

The End.   
-John Amrhein (and Homer)

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Walk-O-Rama: Don’t Judge Us

Today the team reached an all-time low by driving to our destination, and not even in a car that would have fit our general theme

With your pledge of 25 cents a day the Walk-O-Rama team can purchase one of these and not feel quite as lazy.

To be fair, it was raining and we did have a serious mission before us, hitting up some local business owners for some kind donations for our upcoming library outreach event.  Many surprisingly embarrassing things have the potential of happening when you cram too many people into a small car, which we soon found out, but I have been sworn to secrecy regarding all of them.

I can’t be sure, but I’m pretty certain we looked something like this to onlookers

Kathy was a very safe driver and did not drive fast and take chances, much to Kristen’s dismay – though one pedestrian was nearly backed over in the parking lot, and one brick wall nearly plowed down.  Both of these occurrences were in no way the fault of the driver. We learned that one of our members has “Back Seat Driver Knee”, a condition that only hurts the pride of the sufferer and not the physical well being.  It turns out that it is a convenient condition for a shy person to possess, however, since it sparked much conversation that lasted well into our mealtime discourse.

The meal passed without incident, and even the members who had been severely stricken with the aforementioned DEAD disease seemed to manage with remarkable competency.  We really made strides today and seemed to blend in with the public at large.  Kudos to us.

Before anyone goes judging us too much for our lack of walking in this O-Rama escapade, I feel the need to point out that Celeste’s pedometer did track us as traversing .25 miles going there alone, and this did not count the number of steps that were taken as we were dropped off and picked up curbside at our destination.  I’m sure I speak for everyone in attendance when I say we are a bit thinner after the whole experience.  But, as with everything in life, we must first think of the children.  They may have gotten a free donated gift card thanks to our valiant weather-braving effort.  We will find out shortly.  Fingers crossed!

Join us next time when we could possibly try someplace new, Jack’s Car, or something like that.  We might even walk there!

Yes, that is probably it

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Walk-O-Rama: a rose by any other name would still be just as lazy

Today seemed uncharacteristically difficult when it came time to assemble participants for our walk.  So many people seemed to have excuses already prepared, as if they had been formulating them and rehearsing their rejections to sound natural and convincing for days. Some stuttered in their replies upon initial questioning, but regained composure as they imagined the hot temperatures they would have to endure outside if they failed to seem genuine in their urgent need for refusal.  Suddenly four people were scheduled to be at the Reference Desk at one time, and they began to fight over the normally tedious task in order to claim the rights to the most official sounding justification for skipping out.  The losers of the battle sulked away with heads hung low, pointing to some far-off direction and babbling incoherently in an attempt to make it look like they had other very important backup work to be rushing off to do instead.  Some “went to get their purse” and were never seen again – you know who you are! 😉 But those of us who had gathered at the horseshoe were up to the challenge of battling the heat in order to escape the midweek humdrum of our stuffy offices.

As we walked, we began to notice a peculiar site in an adjacent field.  A small group of summer camp children were apparently under siege by an enormous frog, who was consuming them two at a time and then spitting them back out.  It was a bit shocking at first, until we realized that the amphibious apparatus was merely an inflatable boot camp simulation platform cleverly shaped like a frog, clearly meant to prepare them for survival after the approaching apocalypse.  When our attention spans were no longer captivated by the idea of a real gigantic frog eating little people, we began to ponder other topics, such as our identity as a group.  Such moments of reflection are healthy for any group on which a title has been bestowed, and Walk-O-Rama is no exception.  We considered all of this as we were on our way to eat, which admittedly has become the sole function of our gatherings.  Some have jested that our team ought more appropriately be named Eat-O-Rama instead, and their argument is a valid one.  We do spend a lot of time sitting and eating.  But we must walk there first…

Children prepare themselves for the fun, obstacle strewn paths that lie before them in the real world

The real world. Shhh…don’t tell the children

We decided to take advantage of Kathy’s absence by stopping in to visit the good people at Ten 89 Noodle House, where Kathy and Steve had previously suffered 2nd degree burns while trying to consume some spicier than average food.  This was a valuable lesson learned, as we all now knew what not to order.  What we did order was fabulous, except to those who seem to have an innate fear of eggs, for reasons that were not really discussed.  The table was spread with bowls of egg drop soup and half a dozen vinegar eggs.  Delicious! Or scary, depending on your perception of eggs.

Ovaphobia affects approximately 2 in every 6,894,594,844 people, which means they were both with us today. That’s weird

This meant that Kristen was lucky enough to acquire a collection of multiple vinegar eggs from the plates of others, though not lucky enough to make it back to the office without the Styrofoam container melting itself and spilling out all of its contents (yes, the food is THAT spicy).
With each passing of the train tracks it is becoming more and more challenging not to board a train.  The odds of Walk-O-Rama: Lost in New York becoming a blog title in the near future are increasing exponentially.

Next week’s destination? Please Don’t Tell and maybe you can join us

 

 

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Walk-O-Rama: People will spill the beans on just about anything when given a great house salad and sweet potato fries

Today’s outing will not be believed by many, but it cannot be helped, we are just that amazing and our lives so full of wondrous adventures.  Weary of our usual weekly destinations, we decided to head on over to new territory, a quaint little restaurant known as ________, to partake in our favorite type of walking, Eat-O-Rama.   That’s right, I will not share its name, as every other location we advertise soon becomes an instant sensation and we are no longer able to eat there in peace.  So we will keep you guessing.  Fun was had by all, including the waiter who considered it an honor to serve us.  He was so grateful, in fact, that he did not accept payment and tipped us instead.  We were quite pleased with this outcome and will expect such service everywhere we dine at in the future.  I can’t recall exactly what he looked like to provide any sort of recommendation, but if I had to pick him out of a lineup I’m pretty sure I remember him looking like this:

Best, most adorable waiter ever! Thanks restaurant we will not name!

Discourse took an unfamiliar turn for the weird as we all began reminiscing about our deepest, darkest childhood memories, apart from John who is still willfully living in his.  Please treat him delicately and do not inflict any harsh punishments on him for inappropriate behavior, it might negatively impact him when he someday reaches adulthood.
Upon leaving the restaurant we realized that a trench had been dug around the perimeter, which we could not recall seeing on our way in, and which hindered our ability to make good time getting back.  We sincerely hope this was not the beginnings of a mote to keep suspicious characters like us away.  We decided that that was impossible for too many reasons to list, and disregarded its existence entirely.
But the most memorable moments were yet to come.  Having had too much deliciousness for our bodies to immediately deal with, we were at a loss of what the quickest route back to the library was.  A moment was spent at a complete stop as we all stared around in utter confusion.  Celeste, who is usually the most limited in the field of directional expertise, seized this moment to shine as the savior of our return journey as she pieced together fragmented memories of previous return trips on our excursions.  We were all very proud and thankful for her memory.  
As we reentered the library we spotted Gisele, which instantly sent chills up and down our spines, as we remembered Grant’s spectacular walking abilities and wondered if he would seize this opportunity to put the group to shame again, we being exhausted and stuffed well beyond comfortable capacity.  He remained hidden, however, probably planning future ways in which to make us look old and decrepit. 

Next time, next time

Join us next time, if you dare face this threat.  Don’t be intimidated, he is only a child.

 

 

 

 

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